Addiction
by Marite3922
Summary: Kellin is in a bad place and has to do whatever he can to get enough money to get his fix.


I couldn't control the slight trembling of my palms as I tried my hardest to clench them motionless at my sides. I didn't want to look as desperate as I felt, but I was afraid it was showing through despite my efforts.

The loud music thrummed against my ears heavily with the sounds of people chattering around me. In my present state it was hard to keep down a headache with the harsh noise and flashing florescent lights all around me in the dark room. Unusually my mind was far from the dancers, working their way up and down the poles to the rhythm of the music and shouts of their ferocious audience, most half drunk or high on one substance or other. I generally would be one of them, but tonight…

I shrunk back a bit nervously into the shadows once again. I knew the dark rings were visible under my eyes, already heavily lined with charcoal black makeup. I couldn't hide how frazzled I had become and it made it so hard to just go out and do what I had to do. I needed more. I had to have more. But I was so out of my own thoughts I was having a hard time pushing myself out to do what was necessary for it.

This was a good place, I knew that. I had found clients here a few times before and I knew it wouldn't be any harder to find one or more tonight. I reminded myself that they didn't usually care whether or not their purchase was going into withdrawal or not. They needed their fix, just like I needed mine, and were willing to pay for it. That was all that mattered. Just the money, just the ability to end the harsh symptoms I was already feeling and be able to feel that short time of pleasure again.

I pulled out of the shadows a bit just in time for one of the men behind the bar, someone who had helped me out a few times before, catch my attention. It was only a look but one I knew well. He was talking to a man wresting his arms lazily against the bar. He appeared less than half sober and looked my way as the tender directed his attention. I moved a little more into the strobes of light as he took me in the same lazy way he had draped himself across the counter. I couldn't tell whether or not he liked what he saw, but I did my best to sexualize my stance, since there was hardly anything more I could do with my outfit. My dark pants were skin tight, accompanied by an unbuttoned leather vest over my bear chest showing off the smatterings of tattoos down my arms. I was rather on the thin side, almost unhealthily so, but it had never proven a deterrent before, so I attempted to sport it proudly, despite how ill I sometimes appeared. Like right now as my body was becoming aware of the lack of drugs running through its systems and beginning to beg me for more.

The man slowly pushed himself up from the counter and moved through the crowd towards me, stumbling as he went. _"I guess he likes what he sees,"_ I thought, starting to feel fidgety.

He stopped in front of me, a least a head taller and quite domineering about that fact. He was far from attractive and smelled like the alcohol that he still carried with him. I didn't waver but looked up at him expectantly as he moved in closely.

I felt his hand grab against my thigh and move up near my groin, slowly as in inspected the goods before his purchase. I had grown quite used to the touch of another man and oddly enough it had come to the point that to be touched so by a woman was now. I had no preference either way, but I had grown to enjoy the groping of a strong male hand as opposed to a delicate female touch.

An intoxicated smile lit the man's face and after a few more moments of searching, he pulled his hand back. He indicated his approval with a firm nod to me and then at the door behind me that he apparently already knew led to the back rooms. This was obviously not his first rodeo, so I let him lead the way, keeping a firm hand against my lower back as he did.

The guard at the door let us pass when he recognized me and the pounding sounds of the club were suddenly silenced into a distant thrumming and humming as the door closed behind us. It was time to get to work and earn my keep, but I knew I would likely be back here again tomorrow and the day after. It had ceased to matter to me whether it would ever end or not. I regretted every decision every day, but as soon as I filled my veins with the substance again I knew I had to keep going. It was equal measures of pain and pleasure and I no longer had the will to make one or both stop. There would be no end for me.

All there was, was get fucked, take the money, and gain one more day without the agony of living without the drugs. In a world like this, what more was I ever supposed to expect…


End file.
